The Vampire Combat Manual

Roger Ma, the author of the Zombie Combat Manual, has released yet another guide for battling supernatural natural creatures. In this installment, Ma tackles and submits a monster much more cunning and more steeped in legend than a simple shambling corpse: the vampire.

But you're a jiu-jitsu master. You are respected in your association, and you have won multiple tournaments. On top of that, you spend one weekend a month at the pistol range. You have read Bram Stoker's Dracula. You have seen all of the Blade movies. You won't admit this to anyone, but you have also read the entire Twilight series and were distraught when you found out that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson.

And you have a cross tattooed on your bulging biceps. Vampires are repelled by religious symbols, right?

Wrong. If you stopped to flex that veiny crucifix at a vampire, you would die.

Roger Ma receiving his blue belt in 2010.

But I wouldn't. Before I read The Vampire Combat Manual I too thought that religious symbols would keep me safe, which is why I keep a baby Jesus nativity at the foot of my bed every night. My plan was, should a vampire trick me into sending him an invitation to join my Dungeons and Dragons group which would allow him to enter my home, to brandish baby Jesus, repelling the infernal creature. But now, I would grab a weapon and get right down to the nitty gritty gore.

According to Ma and his extensive research for the Institute for Undead Combat Studies, the whole religious symbols vampire repelling thing is a piece of clever disinformation propagated by a clandestine vampire public relations agency. This misinformation, along with a slew of other deceptions and misdirections, is part of what gives vampires their power. Who knew, right?

Ma then goes into a detailed breakdown of how to survive a hand to hand battle with a vampire, complete with step by step breakdowns and anatomical diagrams. By the end of the book, you are prepared to engage in fisticuffs with the undead.

This book is a fun read for martial artists and non-martial artists alike. It would also probably make a good gag gift for the Twilight lover in your life. Pick up a copy today.